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<title>With Or Without My Best Intentions by carnivalinsidemyhead</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29252910">With Or Without My Best Intentions</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/carnivalinsidemyhead/pseuds/carnivalinsidemyhead'>carnivalinsidemyhead</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Take That</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Hurt, Loneliness, M/M, One Sided Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:54:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>716</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29252910</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/carnivalinsidemyhead/pseuds/carnivalinsidemyhead</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark told himself he wasn’t going to let himself sleep with Rob again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mark Owen/Robbie Williams</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>With Or Without My Best Intentions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title and creative inspiration comes from Liz Phair’s song “Fuck And <br/>Run.”</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mark woke to the sun shining in through a slit in the curtains, bleary and dazed and slightly hungover.</p>
<p>For a moment everything felt unfamiliar and strange and then the sleeping, naked, tattooed form next to him rolled over and threw an arm across Mark’s chest and Mark found himself struggling to breathe.</p>
<p>“Fuck,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”</p>
<p>He’d told himself he wasn’t going to let it happen again. That he wasn’t going to sleep with Rob again. That he’d spent too much time getting over Rob back in the nineties to fall back in bed with him again. That he wasn’t going to set himself up to get his heart broken again by someone who didn’t give a shit about anyone but himself.</p>
<p>He sighed. </p>
<p>“Don’t be awful,” his conscience chided him. “Rob loves you, really. As much as he can love anyone.”</p>
<p>And that was the problem wasn’t it? Rob couldn’t really love anyone. It had always been that way since they first met as two shiny eyed, green, naive kids chasing stardom falling into each other’s shoulders with laughter and falling into each other’s beds. Mark had loved Rob with his whole being and hadn’t wanted to see that even at the time, Rob had been at a remove from him, already keeping his emotions at arms length.</p>
<p>Mark hadn’t wanted to see that Rob would always be chasing the next big high. The next big excitement. That he had a changeable mind and grew tired of people and discarded them like old toys.</p>
<p>Rob taking interest in him now was just like when you’re a kid and you’re cleaning your room and come across a toy you played with when you were younger and you decide to kill time by playing with it until you get bored again.</p>
<p>Once upon a time, Mark had given his heart and soul and body and entire being to Rob. </p>
<p>And for what? To be Rob’s “little buddy?” To be tossed aside for Liam bloody Gallagher without so much as a by your leave when Rob got bored with the boyband experience?</p>
<p>No, Mark thought, it wasn’t worth it. Wasn’t worth the pain. </p>
<p>He’d spent so many years wondering what was wrong with him. Wondering why he wasn’t good enough for Rob to be a real boyfriend to him.</p>
<p>It was only recently that he realized it wasn’t him. It was never him, it was always Rob.</p>
<p>Someday maybe he’d find a boyfriend. Or maybe a girlfriend. He wasn’t picky, really. Someone who he could have the whole corny holding hands, love letters and staring into each other’s eyes at the soda fountain shit from old movies with. </p>
<p>Maybe someday Rob would have that with someone too.</p>
<p>But Mark wasn’t going to be that someone. He wanted to be. He’d wanted it since 1990.</p>
<p>Sometimes he still wanted it so much, it was like a knife to the heart.</p>
<p>He gently lifted Rob’s arm off his chest and tried to silently creep out of bed.</p>
<p>The bed creaked as he sat up and Rob stirred.</p>
<p>“Markie? Where you going?”</p>
<p>Mark flinched. </p>
<p>“I gotta go. I...erm...got a meeting with my producer and I need...to get some stuff together, go over some songs...you know how it is…”, he lied. (He was actually tentatively scheduled to meet with someone from his label at some point that week so it wasn’t an entire untruth.)</p>
<p>Rob nodded. “Yeah? That’s fantastic, Markie. Hope it goes well for you.”</p>
<p>Mark smiled as he retrieved his clothes from the chair where he had neatly folded them the night before- even when he was drunk he was still tidy. </p>
<p>“Hey, you should give me a call after your meeting, tell me all about it. Maybe we can grab dinner together or something?”</p>
<p>Mark shook his head.</p>
<p>“Best not to.”</p>
<p>He finished dressing and then walked back over to the bed and leaned in and kissed Rob on the lips, softly, lovingly, and with finality.</p>
<p>“See you round, Rob” he smiled as he picked up his bags and walked out of the hotel room.</p>
<p>“I still love you,” he whispered to the closed door. </p>
<p>He stood in the hallway for a moment and then turned and walked out without looking back.</p>
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